USEFUL TIPS
ACHIEVING SKIN GLOW
1. The act of sex causes perspiration which cleanses your pores. Obviously this depends on the level of energy you throw into the act, the temperature, and how close you choose to be. I remember once having sex inside a bank vault in Sydney. Being a bank vault, the air flow was considerably still, in fact I perspired more then than in a Sauna or Vietnam. If you can get into a bank vault I strongly recommend it.
Perspiration also brings to mind another misdemeanor. A friend bragged about having fantastic sweaty sex on a beach in some Asian country and smearing honey all over her partner's body. On one particularly hot evening I thought I would give it a go. This method will eliminate, dead skin cells and hair because honey is like glue, so don't try and pull apart in a hurry. Make sure you can get to a shower or a good size bath of water- as you will need to in order to separate yourselves. While getting dermabraded I became painfully aware my friend had fibbed about the fantastic sex. I also found out how hard it was to move glued together without feeling like skin grafts were imminent.
2. You can also achieve glow by dermabrading the dead skin cells with touch, nails, biting, licking (a cat's tongue would be handy) or a good flogging. Frottage can do it but shave first to avoid the nasty rash. A body brush, loofah, sand or clay rubbed over the body will also achieve similar results. Which brings to mind the time I was tumbled on synthetic carpet- that took off a few too many layers of skin cells leaving me with nasty grazes.
Another successful glow method was kissing my girlfriend while riding my bike. Draw your bikes level and close as you pedal furiously down a hill at good speed. Reach across in unison, wrapping your inside arm around each other's back. Show off by releasing your other hand from the handlebars- you will need to do this in order to get lips to lips. Kiss. The result- the front wheel of one bike turns inwards striking the front wheel of the other. You guessed it! the bikes stop dead and the bodies keep a delightful forward momentum to the road. Whether you are covered from head to toe or not you will receive a good amount of dermabrasion. Cotton clothing is particularly rigorous on the skin. I tried this without a helmet and hit the road so hard my heart stopped. As luck would have it, I landed at the feet of a nurse. If you want to visit the afterlife as a bonus, try this method otherwise wear a helmet. The down side is you will be stiff for weeks and there are no assurances as to the level and extent of your injuries.
ATTAINING EYE SPARKLE
3. Serotonin increases with orgasm - it's a high that is seen in the eyes unless your partner has given you a nice dose of arsenic. Arsenic, a far more interesting topic, was traditionally used in Elisabethan times to colour the lips black - A VERY FASHIONABLE LIP GLOSS - and brought a certain sparkle to the eyes. I suppose if you are not getting sex you can always let people think you are by going the arsenic way. Just be aware it will kill you at some stage depending on the dose.
By the way, serotonin levels drop after orgasm. My advice is keep coming to avoid depression. You can achieve this by sizing up with a lover who is an Olympic class athlete, use Viagra, or invest in a good vibrator. I haven't tried it myself, but there is the urban practice of sitting on the washing machine during it's cycle, the motorcycle, and for country folk- horse riding.
The keep coming method is particularly useful when driving on long stretches of boring road at night in order to stay awake and in good spirits. On one little sprint I became so distracted I misread my speed, was doing 23 kms over the limit and attracted the attention of the boys in blue. Fortunately I wasn't made step out to walk the line. Having a car with cruise control will save the hefty fine and any possible charges.
No comments:
Post a Comment